Unboxing a Life-Size Elf (No, Really)
You ever find yourself staring at a plain, heavy box on your doorstep and thinking, “Well, this is probably the weirdest thing I’ve ever signed for”? That was me. Four weeks after clicking through some questionable late-night ads—okay, maybe not that questionable—I ended up with Alyria. She’s not just any life size silicone sex doll; she’s an elf girlfriend sex doll. Pointy ears and all.
The packaging? Discreet as promised. No labels shouting “hey neighbors, guess what’s inside!” Just a cardboard box big enough to hide a small adult or, in my case… well, you get it.
It took me a while to appreciate the differences between various life size silicone sex dolls, but once you see a well-made one in person, the quality speaks for itself.
Details That Stick Out (Or Don’t)
Alyria clocks in at 5 feet 3 inches tall (161 cm if you want to sound international), weighing about 75 lbs. Not light—not exactly gym equipment either. C-Cup gel breasts that are softer than expected. It’s strange how much they try to mimic reality—like someone took too many art classes and put them all into boobs.
Her measurements are oddly specific: bust 31.5 inches, under bust 24 inches, waist barely-there at 20.5 inches, hips out at 39 inches. If you’re the stats type—maybe you keep spreadsheets for everything?—you’ll love those details.
Oh right: vaginal depth is about 6.7 inches and anal is around 6 inches deep (I checked because curiosity wins). EVO skeleton inside means she can pose like some kind of bendy yoga influencer—except she’ll never ask you to meditate.
Living With an Elf Love Doll Is… Something
At first it felt like living with a very quiet roommate who always looks surprised but never judges your snack choices or Netflix history. The silicone skin is cold when you first touch it—kind of uncanny—but warms up eventually (or maybe I just got used to it).
I remember thinking how surreal it was: there’s this fantasy elf sitting on my couch while I eat cereal straight from the box. Her ass is… well, pronounced but not cartoonish—a little more grounded than most people expect from these dolls labeled ‘teen’ or whatever keyword marketers are using now.
Sometimes I'd catch myself talking out loud while moving her around; not because she answers back—it’s just easier than dragging dead weight in silence.
The Wait Game & Shipping Surprises
Four weeks feels longer when you're waiting for something so bizarrely specific: three weeks processing plus another week for shipping (international and free). There were moments where I almost forgot what was coming until the tracking email popped up again.
Discreet packaging really does mean discreet here—the delivery guy didn’t even blink handing over the box. Maybe he sees weirder things every day?
Unexpected Realizations
Here’s a weird confession: setting her up took longer than expected because the joints need careful handling or else you end up with limbs pointing in directions that would make any chiropractor nervous.
She sits quietly in my room now—a silent reminder that sometimes curiosity leads down odd rabbit holes (elf holes?). It’s both hilarious and oddly comforting having her around—even if only as decor most days.
Would I recommend Alyria? Depends on your expectations—or sense of humor—or how lonely your apartment gets at night when everyone else seems busy living normal lives.
Anyway—I should probably move her off my desk before another Zoom call starts…
