Unwrapping the Season's Strangest Gift
There’s something about December that makes people do weird things. Maybe it’s the cold, or just too many jingling bells rattling around. Anyway, this year I did not get socks or a book or even a bottle of whiskey. No. I got Joy—the Hot Christmas Sex Doll—delivered to my apartment in a box so plain it could’ve held printer paper or maybe a suspiciously heavy winter coat. Discreet packaging is real, apparently.
Joy is... well, she’s 5 feet 7 inches tall (170 cm if you care about metrics), which means she stood taller than my last girlfriend and almost as tall as my neighbor who thinks he’s better than everyone because he runs marathons. Standing her up was—awkward? Yeah. She weighs 94.7 lbs (43 kg) so moving her felt like dragging an unwilling party guest across the floor after midnight.
The Anatomy of "Realism" (Or Something Like It)
Let’s talk measurements because someone out there definitely wants details: bust at 34.2 inches, under bust at 27.9, waist at 24.8, hips at 41.3—so basically an Instagram model with slightly more structural integrity thanks to her steel skeleton and movable joints (which creak less than my own knees). Cup size C for those keeping score.
Her skin is made from silicone that’s supposed to feel “real.” Does it? Sort of—it’s smooth but always cold unless you blast your heat, and then suddenly you’re sweating next to a life size silicone sex doll while Bing Crosby plays in the background and you wonder how your life ended up here.
The holes—I guess we’re doing this—are measured too: vagina depth is 6.7 inches, anus goes to 6.6 inches, mouth hits 5.1 inches deep before you start feeling existential dread instead of anything else.
Reading through silicone sex doll reviews before buying is probably the smartest move you can make at this price range.
Shipping & Waiting Games
Three weeks waiting for Joy to arrive gave me time to question every decision that led me here; two weeks processing plus one for shipping equals way too much anticipation for something I wasn’t sure I wanted by week three anyway.
But when she arrived? Not a single label on the box hinted at what was inside—not even “fragile” or “handle with care.” Just cardboard silence and maybe the faint sound of judgment from my mailman.
Living With Long Legs And Big... Everything
Joy has long legs—a lot longer than mine—and big breasts (let’s not pretend otherwise). Her butt looks like someone spent hours sculpting it in Photoshop before giving up and just making it real instead. Honestly? It feels weirdly impressive standing next to her in my living room while eating leftover pie straight from the tin.
She wears women’s shoe size 6-6.5 but doesn’t actually own shoes; I tried putting socks on her once for fun but they looked sad and fell off immediately.
What Happens When You Try To Have A Conversation
I caught myself talking to her once—just muttering about bills while staring into those blank eyes—and realized this was probably not what anyone had in mind when they invented artificial companionship.
She doesn’t judge though (or answer), which is more than can be said for some people I know.
Unexpected Downsides That Nobody Mentions
Moving Joy around isn’t easy; she flops if you don’t support every joint just right, kind of like assembling IKEA furniture without instructions but with more potential for embarrassment if anyone walks in unexpectedly.
Cleaning? Yeah… nobody tells you how unglamorous that part gets until you’re halfway through Googling “how to clean realistic silicone sex doll safely” at three AM under dim kitchen light wishing you'd stuck with socks after all.
One Odd Memory That Sticks Out
Weirdly enough—I remember thinking as I tried to find somewhere inconspicuous to store her during a surprise family visit—that nothing prepares you for hiding a full-sized human-shaped object on short notice without feeling like an amateur magician pulling off a bad trick.
Still haven’t figured out where people are supposed to keep these things between uses unless they live alone forever or have giant closets meant only for secrets and mistakes shaped like tan young women with perfect hips.
Tangent About Expectations vs Reality
People online talk about these dolls like they’ll change your life—or make holidays less lonely—but honestly it mostly changed my storage situation and made me rethink online shopping habits late at night after eggnog kicks in hard enough that everything seems possible until delivery day comes around again…
And now she stands there by the window sometimes catching sunlight on her silicone skin looking both absurdly lifelike and undeniably fake all at once—a contradiction dressed up as company during another cold season nobody really asked for anyway
