That First, Slightly Awkward Encounter
You ever unbox something and think, “Well, this is a bit surreal”? That’s what happened when Alden—the so-called Sexy Smoker Sex Doll—arrived. The box was plain. Like, aggressively boring. No hint at the life size silicone sex doll inside. I guess that’s the point with discreet packaging (I’d probably die if a neighbor saw “SEXY SMOKER” in huge letters on my porch).
Anyway, three weeks of waiting isn’t exactly Amazon Prime speed but considering free international shipping? Not bad. Not fast either, but not bad.
Details I Didn’t Expect to Notice
Alden’s…big. Not just in the “big boobs” kind of way (though yeah, 33-inch bust is hard to miss), but she’s tall—5 feet 4 inches—and heavy enough (75 lbs) that you can’t just toss her around like a pillow. There’s some real heft there. Her proportions are almost cartoonish: hips at 38 inches, waist at 26-ish. Makes you wonder about whoever designed her measurements—were they working off some old pin-up poster or just wishful thinking?
The full silicone body feels weirdly realistic and also a little cold at first touch (until she warms up to room temp). The steel skeleton with movable joints is both impressive and slightly unnerving; it creaks sometimes when you pose her arms or legs for the first time—which made me laugh out loud once because it sounded like an old action figure from my childhood.
Sex Doll Anatomy: More Specific Than You’d Think
Here comes the part nobody wants to ask about but everyone actually wants to know: how deep are her holes? Turns out, this gets measured down to decimals—vagina is seven inches deep, anus clocks in at 6.3 inches. It sounds clinical written out like that; I remember thinking someone somewhere must have had a very awkward day measuring those numbers.
And yes—vaginal and anal sex are possible (that’s kind of the whole point with these things). If you’re after big ass or big boobs…well, Alden ticks both boxes without much subtlety.
Movable Joints & Long Legs: Oddly Entertaining
There’s something amusing about posing Alden for the first time—her long legs bend more naturally than expected thanks to that internal skeleton setup. Still, getting her into certain positions takes patience (and upper body strength). She holds poses pretty well though; it makes photoshoots weirdly fun if not a touch absurd.
Sometimes I’d catch myself chatting while moving her around—a habit from living alone too long maybe? But there’s also an odd satisfaction in arranging everything just right before stepping back and realizing…huh, she really does look lifelike from across the room.
Shipping Surprises & Waiting Games
Not gonna lie—I half-expected customs or delivery folks to mess up and blow my cover somehow (“Sir, we have your giant silicone love doll here”). But nope—the discreet packaging worked as advertised: no labels, no hints.
Three weeks total felt longer than it should’ve—but again, free international shipping softens that blow a bit. Processing time plus shipping equals anticipation plus anxiety divided by mild impatience…or something like that.
Whether this is your first life size silicone sex doll or you're adding to a collection, doing your homework pays off every time.
One Tangent About Robots (Sort Of)
Quick aside—I kept seeing “no-robot” mentioned everywhere in product details online and couldn’t help laughing quietly every time. Like someone would expect their sex doll to suddenly start vacuuming? Or maybe recite poetry? Anyway—it means she doesn’t move on her own; all movements come from you adjusting those steel-jointed limbs yourself.
Maybe someday they’ll add AI brains or whatever but for now…it’s all manual labor.
Closing Out With Mild Uncertainty
Is Alden worth it? Depends what you want—a life size silicone sex doll with big breasts and long legs who won’t talk back or judge your music taste certainly has its perks (if that's your thing). She looks good enough propped against a wall that sometimes I forget she isn’t going to blink or roll her eyes at my playlist choices.
But then again—you might find yourself wondering why anyone needs such precise measurements for hole depth…and then realize you don’t actually care anymore because you’re too busy trying to fit her back into bed without pulling your shoulder out of place.
Weird world we live in now—maybe that's okay.
